Facts and Fears

Inspired by Derek Landy's blog post on what scares him, I've decided to write about what scares me (mostly because I already know what to say after reading Derek's post).

I'm scared of people in vehicles. When a car passes me, my brain goes, "kidnapper. Kidnapper. KIDNAPPER. KIDNAPPERRRRR!!! Oh, good, they passed." Maybe it's the fact that most kidnapping stories I've heard involve cars. When my friends and I travel sidewalks of busier roads, my brain takes some comfort in its subconscious understanding that no one will kidnap us there because of all the other kidnappers around. Each one is afraid they'll try to kidnap us at the same time as someone else, and they don't want to start a kidnapper war.

Now, now. No need to defend your vehicle-driving self, friends, or family. I know I'm being super paranoid and very few vehicle drivers actually are kidnappers. Some of my best friends and favorite family members drive vehicles, but if I see you or anyone else in a car, my brain will immediately translate that as "kidnapper." You can never be too careful. Or so thinks my brain. Sometimes, I don't even recognize my family until they get out of the car. I'm too frantic deciding the best course of action: run, hide, or see if it's someone I know. During this period of contemplation, I freeze up. I know it MIGHT be someone I know, but what if it's not? Should I take the chance? I know they PROBABLY don't mean me harm, but what if they do? Should I take the chance? If I run or hide, there's a huge chance I'll humiliate myself by running from someone NORMAL or from my family, the latter of which would probably be suspicious I'm doing something I shouldn't (eating candy my mom hid for Easter), as they don't know of my vehicle-drivers phobia. I'd hate to be kidnapped, but I'd also hate to humiliate myself. In the end, I humiliate myself anyway by freezing up with a "deer in the headlights" expression on my face.

I don't like the idea of getting kidnapped and killed. I'm not scared to die. That would be like being scared of Jesus or paradise. In the immortal words of Linguini, "She believed in heaven, so she's set. Afterlife-wise." But BEING KILLED...I'm sure I wouldn't enjoy it.

I also fear the bunny that haunteth the patterns of clothing, accessories, and posters. Its face looketh sweet, but its words readeth mean. It's perverted to put a cute, smiling white rabbit next to a nasty little caption. Which is another thing that scares me: pervertedness. Which is also why I fear some objects like ventriloquist dolls, dolls, puppets, and other innocent-looking things that people use to make mean, perverted jokes. That is to say, I have nothing against the objects themselves but I fear someone MIGHT use them for perverted reasons. Of course, I also fear pervertedness without the "cute" mediums. Some people, I swear, they're worse than the bunny!

I guess I'm scared of zombies, but only because I know they'd get me dirty. Look at them! They're positively unhygienic! (But I am Legend and Resident Evil and Alien Vs. Predator didn't scare me much, and Zombieland was actually entertaining.)

There's lots of other things. Generally, I'm scared of everything and nothing. It's hard to explain, so I won't. At least, not this post. I will in another post, I promise.