Facts and Fairytales

Usually, when I read fairytales, I expect them to have a point, and usually, they don’t. Why do I even expect them to anymore? Maybe I just grew up with the few tales that do have morals, Goldilocks (don’t break and enter and steal), Beauty and the Beast, and The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Still, when a fairytale character is dishonest or thieving or rude to a stranger, I expect something bad to happen because evil always falls upon misbehaving fairytale characters, or so I think. I react, “Why is he so stupid? Doesn’t he know he’s in a fairytale where evil falls upon misbehaving characters?” Shockingly, however, in some stories, nothing actually does happen to them, which baffles me, although it shouldn’t, since, as I said, fairytales are generally pointless.

For example, in a fairytale called The Clever Cook, a servant roasts two fowls, one for her master and the other for his guest. The guest is late, so the master goes out to get him. The cook eats the pheasants, the master returns, and this is where it gets funny. In fact, this is probably the only funny, albeit pointless, fairytale I’ve ever read, and I didn’t know fairytales could be funny, let alone in such a modern sense. I could totally see what happened next in a modern comedy. The master comes in one door and tells the cook to get the food. She goes to the other door, where the guest is waiting for some reason, and she tells him her master is going to cut off his ears. The guest then runs. The cook tells her master the guest ran away with the food. The master thinks it was rude of the man not to have left at least one pheasant for him, so he chases after the man, saying, “Just one! Just one!” The guest of course thinks he’s talking about his ears. Determined to keep both his ears, he gets away. The end.

Seriously, the end.

Pointless, right?

In another story, The Three Black Princesses, a fisherman’s son lives in a village besieged by an enemy who demands 600 dollars before they’ll leave. One day, the enemy kidnaps the fisherman’s son, giving his father 600 dollars. First of all, why are they giving away 600 dollars when they’re asking for 600 dollars? Secondly, his father accepts! But as they leave the village, they boy escapes and finds a secret castle. There, three princesses request his help freeing them. He agrees but soon asks to visit his father for a week. When he gets home, he finds his father has been made the burgomaster (whatever that is) of the village for providing it the 600 dollars it needed. However, the young man calls his father Fisherman instead of Mr. Burgomaster (who would want to be called that anyway?), and they try to hang him for it. His father finally recognizes him, though, and apologizes (for almost hanging him, not for selling him), and they have a joyous reunion. Geez, kid, aren’t you even a bit mad your father sold you out to be King of the Village? The boy tells his parents about the princesses. His mother says, “Don’t help them, son. Instead, randomly pour boiling water on their faces.” And he replies, “Okay, Mom.” He returns to the castle and pours boiling water on their faces while they sleep, waking them up. Understandably, they are miffed, and they call their brothers to tear him apart, but he jumps out a window, breaking his leg, and the castle disappears. The end.

Other examples exist too, famous fairytales we've heard a thousand times, like Hansel and Gretel. The nice old grandma who took care of them tried to eat them, and they kept going back to the dad who kept ditching them; what's the point of that? And, um, and...Well, I can't think of any other examples right now.

I realize that fairytales are supposed to have deep, symbolic meaning. Fairytales are just one of many infuriating types of incoherent babble said to have meaning. I once read a quote that I now don’t remember, but it articulated something along the lines of, “If you can’t understand it, how is it great art?” This is true. If fairytales can’t be understood by the majority of people who read them, what’s the point? What makes them art? Generally, art needs to say something to be art, but if no one understands what it says, who’s to say it says anything at all? Maybe some lazy person is simply attempting to get recognized by the powerful people who say that incomprehensible babble is the highest form of expression. What’s the point of fairytales no one can understand? Are they coded language for secret organizations? I’m forced to conclude that fairytales are either “great art” (a.k.a. campfire kindling) or that fairytales are the secret language of the Illuminati and my ticket into their inner circle.

(Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed herein are simplified by the author for time’s sake and do not represent any actual intent to infiltrate the Illuminati or her views on foreign sounding babble in the soundtracks of 3 Idiots and Coraline. Some fairytales have aspects that could inspire current writers and companies, such as the Disney company. Fairytales have some entertainment value and other uses. In fact, the author enjoys many fairytale adaptions.)