but
The following documents provide evidence against psychiatrist Dr. Infectious in memos to his secretary, Mr. Communicable, conspiring to infect the public using his patients:
Mr. C,
Please call Sarah and confirm she made that Youtube channel I recommended to let out, in fun ways, her frustration at being bespectacled, freckled, a citizen of the United States, and so much less charming than everyone else. Remind her I said making fun of herself will help her overcome life's misfortunes. With luck, bespectacled, freckled U.S. Citizens will see her videos and begin down the path of self-hate, and we'll have scores of new customers.
Mr. C,
Please call my friends at the station and secure the prime time slot for our up-and-coming rock star friend to tell the world what he looks for in a girl: beauty as great as his. His fans should get the hint, and before you know it, they'll come crying to us about how they're not pretty enough or how they obsess over beauty only to tire themselves out, never feeling beautiful INSIDE.
Mr. C,
Please write the military base and tell them I recommend Mr. Jonson for a promotion. The more people that come under his authority, the more will come to us to "fix" their own abusive tendencies, which they acquired after meeting the superior that abused them.
Mr. C,
Please call Rich and remind him how important it is that he join the debate team, no matter how uncool he thinks it is. He'll confront even more people with his stubbornness, opinionatedness, and constant interruptions and insults. Once that happens, we'll be swamped with people just like him who complain that they're angry, unheard, and overly opinionated, wishing they didn't blow up over every little opinion.
Mr. C,
Please move up my appointment with Larry. I plan to emphasize that he must cope with his impatience by letting out his emotions, letting others know how he feels. By which I mean it's altogether fitting and proper that he should purposely knock over display stands while in line at Walmart because that will make his parents just as antsy to get out of line. They'll come to us about their nervous impatience.
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Script for Emotional Illness Insurance commercial:
*Man in park runs from sneezing man to scowling old woman, from angry woman to man flashing ultra-violet-white smile at himself in anything shiny, from vain man to boy hiding acne-ridden face behind hands, from self-hating boy to pole, INTO pole.*
Announcer: Hello. I'm here to talk about emotional illness. Emotional illness is a serious malady, costing the sick thousands each year in therapist bills. It can affect even the healthy with self-inflicted face-palms, running into poles, and of course the worst aspect of emotional illness - its contagiousness.
But. You can be prepared. The irrefutable fact is this: you are what you choose to be. You must build up your emotional immune system. You can do this by looking at examples of emotional health and by familiarizing yourself with types of emotional illness, seeing them in small doses from a distance. This vaccination will allow your system to distinguish the truth from the pathogens and exterminate them from within you, without needing to wonder if your physical looks are more important than who you are, if you should be ashamed of your looks, if abusive behavior is necessary, or if it's best to be stubborn and opinionated. It can still be difficult to ensure your system is not overwhelmed. It can be extremely difficult to CURE emotional illness when you already have it, but never panic. Once you recognize your sickness, you can do something about it, at least attempting to control your actions. Keep in mind that it's slightly easier to control your actions than feelings. However, you can control both your actions and your emotions best with a healthy helping God's influence in your heart, soul, and mind.
Or you could soften face-palms by gluing oven mitts to your hands and stay out of parks with poles.
That's EII's stand. Are you in good oven mitts?
Mr. C,
Please call Sarah and confirm she made that Youtube channel I recommended to let out, in fun ways, her frustration at being bespectacled, freckled, a citizen of the United States, and so much less charming than everyone else. Remind her I said making fun of herself will help her overcome life's misfortunes. With luck, bespectacled, freckled U.S. Citizens will see her videos and begin down the path of self-hate, and we'll have scores of new customers.
Mr. C,
Please call my friends at the station and secure the prime time slot for our up-and-coming rock star friend to tell the world what he looks for in a girl: beauty as great as his. His fans should get the hint, and before you know it, they'll come crying to us about how they're not pretty enough or how they obsess over beauty only to tire themselves out, never feeling beautiful INSIDE.
Mr. C,
Please write the military base and tell them I recommend Mr. Jonson for a promotion. The more people that come under his authority, the more will come to us to "fix" their own abusive tendencies, which they acquired after meeting the superior that abused them.
Mr. C,
Please call Rich and remind him how important it is that he join the debate team, no matter how uncool he thinks it is. He'll confront even more people with his stubbornness, opinionatedness, and constant interruptions and insults. Once that happens, we'll be swamped with people just like him who complain that they're angry, unheard, and overly opinionated, wishing they didn't blow up over every little opinion.
Mr. C,
Please move up my appointment with Larry. I plan to emphasize that he must cope with his impatience by letting out his emotions, letting others know how he feels. By which I mean it's altogether fitting and proper that he should purposely knock over display stands while in line at Walmart because that will make his parents just as antsy to get out of line. They'll come to us about their nervous impatience.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Script for Emotional Illness Insurance commercial:
*Man in park runs from sneezing man to scowling old woman, from angry woman to man flashing ultra-violet-white smile at himself in anything shiny, from vain man to boy hiding acne-ridden face behind hands, from self-hating boy to pole, INTO pole.*
Announcer: Hello. I'm here to talk about emotional illness. Emotional illness is a serious malady, costing the sick thousands each year in therapist bills. It can affect even the healthy with self-inflicted face-palms, running into poles, and of course the worst aspect of emotional illness - its contagiousness.
But. You can be prepared. The irrefutable fact is this: you are what you choose to be. You must build up your emotional immune system. You can do this by looking at examples of emotional health and by familiarizing yourself with types of emotional illness, seeing them in small doses from a distance. This vaccination will allow your system to distinguish the truth from the pathogens and exterminate them from within you, without needing to wonder if your physical looks are more important than who you are, if you should be ashamed of your looks, if abusive behavior is necessary, or if it's best to be stubborn and opinionated. It can still be difficult to ensure your system is not overwhelmed. It can be extremely difficult to CURE emotional illness when you already have it, but never panic. Once you recognize your sickness, you can do something about it, at least attempting to control your actions. Keep in mind that it's slightly easier to control your actions than feelings. However, you can control both your actions and your emotions best with a healthy helping God's influence in your heart, soul, and mind.
Or you could soften face-palms by gluing oven mitts to your hands and stay out of parks with poles.
That's EII's stand. Are you in good oven mitts?
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